I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
