Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
