Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
