i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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