I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
