well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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