bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
