the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
