Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
