sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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