Me too!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
