I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
