Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
