im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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