lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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