He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
