i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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