Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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