I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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