your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
