WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
