the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
