Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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