Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
