There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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