i permit you to call me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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