Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
