Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
