The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
