He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
