OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize
