I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
