I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
