This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
