I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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