This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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