Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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