Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
