There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
