did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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