Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
