I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
MIDGETS
????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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