Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
