i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
