end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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