okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
