she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
