The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
