i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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