Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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