It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
