if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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