go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
