maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
