I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
